Rae steadied the umbrella above her then tilted it to hold back the dark sideways rain. She hurried across the parking lot but got to the corner only in time to see the #19 pulling away from the bus stop. Annoyed, she slumped down onto the wooden bench in the shelter to wait out the next twenty minutes. Staring into inky puddles, listening to the streetlights hum, Rae thought about how much she hated working at that crappy store. Distracted, she didn’t notice immediately that someone stood behind, but feeling uneasy, she turned slowly to her right just as the sudden blast of light cracked the silence.
Oh, now I need to know what happens next!!! You did a great job of creating a dark scene where anything could lurk and then the 'blast of light cracked the silence' - powerful line.
ReplyDeleteI started off thinking "Oh man I hate when I miss the bus" and ended up thinking "Oh my gosh! What's gonna happen?" Loved it!
ReplyDeleteWhat a delicious little morsel of creepiness. As write-me-happy said, we start out commiserating and end up wanting to get out of Dodge before the nastiness begins. Yikes. Good job, Ms. J!
ReplyDeleteThank you Lillie, Angie and Kern for your kind comments. I am really enjoying participating in the 5 sentence fiction and write on wednesdays.
ReplyDeleteAgree with the others this is a great beginning to a scary piece. "Staring into the inky puddles, listening to the streetlights hum " describes the distraction of the character, leaving it right open for the fright at the end.
ReplyDeleteWell done!
Kate