Saturday, April 14, 2012

Changes

I had a birthday this week and I've found that my birthdays send me face first flying into a time of reflection.  I reflect, I ponder, I hope and I wonder.

The past year has been filled with newness and change; the change hasn't been in my circumstances - I still live in the same apartment, still work at the same job, still struggle along on a tight budget.  No, the changes that I'm talking about are different than those realities.  This past year I took a leap of faith in myself and decided to say aloud, to people close to me and to acquaintances alike, that I write.  I am a writer.

This kind of declaration can be exhilarating.  It can also be scary as hell.  Once you say anything aloud, it makes it more real, doesn't it?  The idea bursts out of your cranium and becomes a call to action.  Now you've said it, you need to do something about it.

When I was in grade 9, our English class read the play "the effect of the gamma rays on the man in the moon marigolds".  As was usually the case, because my voice was, shall we say, more pronounced than the other kids, I had to read the part of the mother.  Perhaps it was because of what was going on in my life at that time, perhaps it was because it was so well written, perhaps it was because I was in love with the words, I read the part very well; I read it so well, the teacher took me aside and told me I should try out for the local theatre group.  Yeah right.  I may have faked bravado very well back then but I was painfully shy.  Painfully. So I said  thank you very much and never read anything in a play again.

But tucked away in my heart, what I had 'heard' the teacher say to me was that I could be an actress!  How wonderful a thought! The only way that I could keep thinking that thought was if I never tested the possibility.  If I had tried and failed, another dream in my teenage life would have been shattered. So I never said it aloud. I kept it sealed away in my heart as a secret talisman, as an affirmation that great things might be possible in the future.

As an adult, I've learned, in fits and starts, that it is actually empowering to take a chance on yourself. By taking action, you seek to drive the future rather than it driving you. The first time I noticed this was when I quit a job as a bank teller to look for work in Human Resources.  Quitting my job back then was insanity. I had no backup plan.  But I had been working in jobs since age 17, sometimes two (one summer I worked three) at a time.  These jobs that would never be satisfying in terms of the work, only in terms of paying my bills and tuition.  So, one day, I stood tall and decided I deserved more, I deserved to be happy.  And somehow, I made it happen.

With writing, as soon as I thought "I think I write" I began building my confidence and writing little stories.  Then I gradually got the nerve to put the stories on this blog. Everything has grown from that one thought.

What all of this is about is that saying "I write" has opened my world to possibilities and ideas and people I would have never encountered otherwise.  I now am connected, in varying degrees, to 50 people who follow this blog and over 250 people who follow me on twitter.  There is a small, hardy, dear group of people who are interested in what I have to say.  There are writers that I admire so much it makes my head spin whom I can now call my friends.  And there are a core group of people on Twitter who make me smile and laugh, who cajole, who lend a shoulder, who share hugs and stories and secrets and joy and who expand my horizons farther than I could have ever imagined.

For one year, I think that is some damn good change.


26 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post! You ARE a writer, and I am so glad to know such a thoughtful, creative soul like you. I am doubly glad that you took the leap of faith and started this blog! It can only mean the beginning of bigger and better things. :-)

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    1. Angela, you are such a dear. It is a blessing to know you. Thanks for your lovely comment.

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  2. Dear friend, how true this is... I wonder sometime what is the natural next step? Do we write for our friends (and ourselves), or do we really want to write for the "public"? Do we want to be "published" - whatever this now means?

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    1. Dear Honoré, I wonder about both of these things too - what is the natural next step and what publishing method will find its way to me. I've decided that the answers will present themselves to me at the appropriate time and that I will keep my mind open to the possibilities until then. Whatever happens, I wouldn't want the answers to these questions to determine whether or not I continue writing.

      You are so very kind to stop by, read and comment! Thank you my friend :))

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  3. Hi Jo-Anne, I'm so happy to be counted as one of your friends and you are a talented writer...it takes courage to put yourself out there. I have a moan about twitter every so often, but signing up to it and starting a blog were the best things I ever did...I have met so many wonderful people! Here's to another year of continued writing, blogging and friendship! :)

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    1. Oh dear Louise, your talent inspires me to try harder with my own writing. I hear what you are saying about twitter but without it we would have never been introduced and I never would have known of your beautiful poetry.

      Thank you dear Louise for taking the time to read comment. You and your writing are lovely!

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  4. Sometimes it's hard to be yourself when others are watching, let alone declare yourself as being what you are. This is great blog post! And you are indeed a writer (and a great one) and an awesome person.

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    1. Oh dear S-t-e-v-e-n, I am so moved by your lovely comments!

      It is difficult to be yourself when others are watching - yet we must steel ourselves and be who we are. It took me many many years to come to that conclusion and I regret the time I spent pretending to be someone else.

      I'm so very glad to know you :)) (hug)

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  5. Oh Jo-Anne! Hun you are SO a writer! And I suspect an actress as well, perhaps you should explore that :) I bet you'd be fabulous!

    This post could've been written about me, I can relate so much. Finding the strength and courage to take those first steps can be daunting, but in the end it's always worth it!

    I'm so glad we've connected and I'm always here to lend an ear. Happy Birthday! (again)

    *HUGS*

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    1. Angie, you are the original dear and I have been so happy (perhaps that should be: follow-Angie-happy !) to watch you extend your creativity into so many artistic endeavours.

      You are neverendingly supportive, you understood immediately the social reasons & community importance of choco-bickies, and well, I just can't imagine what my world would be like if you hadn't given me a chance and followed me when I had only 35 followers. Your leap of faith helped me tremendously! Sending you so many HUGS and I'm always here for you too!

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    2. P.S. with regards to acting? Ah, that would be a no, although as you might imagine, I have had my Academy Award speech worked out since about the age of 16!! Step aside Meryl !!!

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  6. What a great year for you! Congratulations on following your heart, and happy belated birthday! I'm so glad that our paths have crossed. xo

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    1. Thank you lovely Laura! It has been a wonderful year because of writing and even more so because of the dear people I've been lucky enough to connect with through writing. I'm so very glad our paths have crossed too!! ((hugs))

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  7. Having made similar changes this last year I agree with everything you've written. We have to be true to ourselves...I tried to be someone different for many years, but I'm meant to be me and my dreams are part of that! I hope you continue to achieve your dreams. I love your writing and I have learned so very much from the blogs and tweeps I follow, you're an inspiration!

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    1. Lisa, it is amazing what we can do when we give ourselves the chance,isn't it? I've been enjoying your blog & writing! Thank you for such kind and generous comments. Hugs!

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  8. Sing it loud, sing it proud! A writer you are, and a writer you will ever be.

    As a writer, as a friend, as a human being, you constantly inspire, delight and challenge us all to be our best selves and to chase our dreams. My life is vastly improved by having you in it, dear Jo. I'm so glad our paths have crossed on this nutty writing journey.

    Thank you for sharing your thinly birthday thoughts with us.

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    1. Dear Kern, you get the credit (or the blame I suppose!) of introducing me to the notion that writing could be a part of my life. For that, and for all the other insights you've shared, I shall be forever grateful.

      As for your other sweet comments, I can only stare at my feet uncomfortably and say thank you - I don't deserve such lovely words but you can't have them back, okay? ;)) Thanks my friend. XO

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  9. Life is too short and precious to waste it on things that do not make you happy. I've said it before, chasing your dreams will always be a better alternative to wondering, 'what if'.

    By taking that leap of faith you've proven to yourself that it's possible to achieve those dreams. In the process, the world, albeit a very small portion at the moment, have gotten to know Jo-Anne, the writer. And if I may be so bold, the world is a better place for it. Inspiration is a two-way street Jo, and I'm thrilled to be in your circle.

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    1. KD, I can't imagine my "circle" without you in it. I feel so very lucky to call you my friend KD, but you already know that I think. :)) Thank you for such a dear dear comment - it means so much to me.

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  10. Such a beautiful, heartfelt post! It made me shiver, I recognised so much of myself in it. Well done for daring to make the changes - the biggest changes are always the ones of the mind. Then everything else will follow. Good luck with your writing and your sharing and your courage to follow what you believe in. (And that is my favourite song ever!)

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    1. Marina, what a lovely comment! I agree that the biggest changes we will ever make are the ones of the mind. Absolutely. Thank you for the encouragement. Appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to read and comment on this post :))

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  11. Lovely post, Jo. You are a writer, there's no doubt about that. Please continue doing what you're doing; we love it and want more! :)

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment Chris. You know it means a lot to me. Thanks for your continuing support with my writing path - I couldn't ask for a better mentor. :))

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  12. I went to a presentation yesterday and the presenter shared her latest book, "Life Gets Better: the unexpected pleasures of growing older." She said that we get better in every way but the physical as we age, and then today I read proof-positive in this post of yours. I feel so fortunate to have intersected with your life, and agree whole-heartedly with the commenters above that your voice in the world is an important one. Your writing moves me and humbles me and scares me and inspires me. Thank you for taking the leap!

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    1. Lori, dear Lori, I feel very lucky to have met you and to have had the opportunity to get to know you. Your thoughts are important to me and I am the one who is humbled by your kind words!

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  13. JoAnne,

    I'm about a couple months late but I'm soooo grateful to have read this post and met you. You are truly inspirational to me. Its so true, it is a big change and a lot to accomplish

    Thank you for sharing your year and work with the world and little old me :-)

    YOU WRITE!!! Saying and doing it does make it real.

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