Four days to cheque Wednesday and Maddie’s broke. The money from February lasted two weeks, which was record breaking, but now the rent’s been paid and it’s back to walking alleys, looking in restaurant dumpsters for food. As with most things in her life, she finds that timing is everything. If you don’t get to the dumpster quickly, rats get dibs on leftovers. Maddie knows. She’s fought with a few of them for donuts when she was desperate.
She pushes her bangs out of her eyes. Her thick black hair can be unruly so she wears a bowed red velvet ribbon to tame it. The ribbon was a gift from her father on her 17th birthday. It was the only present he ever bought her and Maddie figures he shot himself to get out of buying her another on her 18th.
Annaluk scores crack several blocks away and says she’s brought some back for Maddie to make the day go faster. Maddie remembers too well the feeling last time Annaluk shared her stash, so says thanks, I’d appreciate it.
Laying down so Annaluk can shoot the day-hastening pain relief directly into her jugular, Maddie waits for the blissful feeling to overtake her. And for a few minutes, it does. But then, she starts to shake. Her ivory white skin turns ashen and the shaking turns into violent tremours. Annaluk calls down the alley to the medic team trolling the neighbourhood distributing clean needles, then runs off in the opposite direction.
Thirty-six hours later, Maddie stirs in bed, squinting in pained recognition she’s in the hospital. Opening her eyes, she tries to focus on the face looking down at her. After several minutes she realizes the face she’s staring into is a handsome one, complete with kind blue eyes. The intern smiles as he watches her closely. And then, as if anticipating the questions now rushing through her brain, Dr. Reg Alprince shows his hospital identification card, introduces himself and says:
“Welcome back Maddie. You’ve been asleep for quite a long time. I’m glad I was here to wake you up."
Wonderful! This is a brilliantly modern take on Snow White :) Thanks for entering! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much :)) I'm looking forward to reading all the entries.
DeleteYes, I love the inclusion of the red ribbon! I've always wondered what happens when you're trapped in a coma! Lovely writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa :)) I admit, I had to look up images to see what colour the ribbon was. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story & comment. I'm looking forward to reading all the entries now that I've submitted mine.
DeleteBeautiful and so sad, made me cry :-)
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your generous comment,dear Honoré. I knew you would understand the point of my story.
DeleteWhat a wonderful update of the Snow White tale! It's not too obvious, nicely subtle. Great stuff! =)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by and commenting Cory! Appreciated!
DeleteNice take on the theme!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenn!
DeleteVery interesting tale, Jo-Anne. The suspense was well sustained, and there is such mystery at the end as to what really happened and what will happen. Q x
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and for taking the time to write such a detailed comment. You are amazing Quirina - HUGS!!
DeleteOh Jo-Anne! I just LOVE this! It's so powerful and I love the doctor's name :)
ReplyDeletethanks Angie! You are always so supportive. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment!
DeleteAnytime dear!
DeleteO my crow. Only the doctor's name gives the hint.....LOVE IT. :D
ReplyDeleteThanks dear Angela :)) Hoped it wasn't too obvious.
ReplyDeleteNope, not at all! It was such a bittersweet touch after such a ghastly beginning. :)
DeleteVery poignant and deftly written, with a light touch yet anchored by the weight of your knowledge of the subject. Love it.
ReplyDeleteDavid, I didn't expect you to leave a comment here. I hope you know how much it means to me. Thank you so very much.
DeleteReally beautiful, Jo-Anne! It touches me to read something so deep and impacting. And I'm already in love with the doctor with the fabulous name. . . Christ!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the generous comment Afsaneh - I appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to connect. Not sure where Christ comes into it but that's okay. :)
DeleteYou're so adept at taking horrific realities and finding the beauty. Written perfectly with love and care. Really well done :)
ReplyDeleteDear dear Lillie, you are always so gracious with your comments. Thank you so much - I really really appreciate you (hugs!)
DeleteIt's amazing what you can do in such a short space. I doubt your readers will ever get fat and full from consuming your words. You make each one count, and it always leaves me wanting seconds.
ReplyDeleteKD - you are so wonderful. Thank you for a most treasured and awesome comment my friend.
DeleteBeautifully done, Jo. What a fabulous take on the classic Snow White: you've taken it, shaken it, thrown in a dose of grit and grim, and what a marvel of a story has emerged! I love how you've given just enough of a hint of backstory to make us really see Maddie, enough to make us care what happens to her. It's vivid and real, and a very unexpected fairytale indeed.
ReplyDelete(Dr. Reg Alprince? Love it!!!)
Kern your comments and generous words mean so much. I really enjoyed the challenge on this one but wanted to ensure it respected the difficult story as well as the homage to Snow White. Thank you for always knowing what to say!
DeleteGreat contemporary twist on a classic - I love the immediacy of the present tense and the language you use to tell it. It all hangs together so well.
ReplyDeleteMeg, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. My writing style doesn't always lend itself to this kind of challenge so I appreciate your comment even more. By the way, your story in this contest is a stunner! Really really enjoyed it!
DeleteAbsolutely brilliant story, I enjoyed reading it. I especially loved: It was the only present he ever bought her and Maddie figures he shot himself to get out of buying her another on her 18th.
ReplyDeleteLaura, thanks so much for reading my story and commenting. As you know, I thought YOUR #ouat story was brilliant. I think we have similar sensibilities and I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog on the weekend. :))
DeleteGreat story! Such a different take on the Snow White story. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Rebecca - Very kind of you to take the time to read my entry and to leave such a nice comment!
DeleteWow, great flash writing there, Jo. Would echo KD on the tightness of structure, not a word wasted. I also really enjoyed that it was more than 5 sentences. You can obviously do it, so please continue!
ReplyDeleteThank you Chris for your kind and generous comment. Means a great deal to me. I am trying to work on a couple of longer pieces - so soon!
DeleteNicely done! Thanks for the good read.
ReplyDeleteThanks Heather! Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I enjoyed your entry too and have left a comment. :))
DeleteHow inventive! It's both heart-breaking and hopeful. Very beautiful story. Great work!
ReplyDeleteThank you Angela for your kind comments. We've now connected on twitter so you know I also really enjoyed your story!
DeleteKnock out - wasn't expecting that! Good word play too - congrats.
ReplyDeleteCameron, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your enthusiastic response! It was a bit of a challenge trying to get my idea to fit into the 350 words or less but challenging ourselves is what we writers are all about, isn't it? Thanks again!
DeleteTruly an Unexpected Fairy Tale! A modern twist to the traditional, and probably once a very dark story, Snow White. Very clever and well written. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteTracy - what kind comments - thank you! Really wanted to put a modern 'edge' on the story. Once I got the idea, I just couldn't change it. Funny how we get focused in on these things eh? As you know, I also really enjoyed your story. Thanks so much for popping over and reading mine. Appreciated!
DeleteHeart-wrenching take on a great classic tale. Great little hints throughout. Very nicely done Jo-Anne!
ReplyDeletethanks so much for taking the time to read and comment :)) I liked that you brought humour into your story - enjoyed it!
DeleteUnexpectedly urban and cool remake of a fairytale. Thanks for entering! :)
ReplyDeleteWow. Just, wow. Snow White no longer bores me (come on, you have to admit that her character was a snooze-fest)! I'd rather read your version any day.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kelley! You are such a sweetie! Loved your story - way to get in just under the deadline! Thank you for your kind comments and for popping by to read my story. :))))
DeleteHey! Melancholy and beautiful story. I'd love to see the gritty urban equivalent of the seven dwarves. :-D
ReplyDeleteWell hey there Erin :)) Thank you for checking out my story. There is an urban equivalent to the seven dwarfs but I didn't include it because it most involved riding public transit to work. #notenoughaction
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