This afternoon, after three-hole punching my homework assignment and tucking it into my binder, I walked out of history class, turned the corner by the language labs, and heard our friendship ending as you spoke to Missy Hamilton: “Abigail just hates her mom, we all know what that’s like.”
“But why does Abigail hate her; her mom sure doesn’t seem like the angry Thunderdome bitch that cooks me dinner.”
“Well don’t tell anybody, but her mom’s a drunk…like she drinks A LOT…the other day we walked home together and when we went inside Abigail’s house, her mom was passed out on the sofa in the living room.”
Missy said she wouldn’t tell anyone what you had said, which we both know means she will start her Tuesday tomorrow by telling everyone she sees.
But don’t worry Susan, I’ll be sure to tell Missy about why you hate your Dad; I want her to have a happy Wednesday too.
Haven't had a spare minute for the FSF, just now took time to read this...wow, love it! Scorched!!
ReplyDeletethanks so much Donna - I always appreciate your comments. Hope to see one from you soon on this inspiration word :))
Deletehot dang, girlie ---- this is AWESOME. i can smell the smoke.....
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Angela. I wanted to reflect that unknowing cruelty between teenage girls in a subtle way. Difficult in 5 sentences but a good challenge.
DeleteSo much backstory in such few words. Very well done.
ReplyDelete---Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012
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Twitter: @AprilA2Z
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Thank you for your kind comment Damyanti :))
DeleteOuch! That was a good one, Jo! Some real venom in there :)
ReplyDeleteEditorial suggestion, if I can? I think it might read slightly easier as "three-hole punching" with the hyphen; my eye at least tripped a little there.
Great story though, well done!
Thank you Chris! I went back as you said and put the hyphen in. I really appreciate you stopping by and commenting - always helpful! :))
DeleteZzzzzt! Scorching, indeed. Kids can be so vicious, both thoughtlessly and deliberately, and I think you've captured both here. Almost hurts to read it, but you can't stop once you start. Great encapsulation of a world of hurt in just a few sentences. I've said it before: you own this genre.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kern - I appreciate your generous comments very much.
Delete;-) You make me smile.
ReplyDeleteRight back at you KD, right back at you :))
DeleteOuch! A very well written piece on 'scorching' and I definately felt 'scorched' as I read. I love how you use speech too in such a short story. I really can imagine Susan's face come Wednesday ;-). xx
ReplyDeleteLizzie, thank you so much for subscribing to my blog and for taking the time to comment! Means a lot to me that you might be interested in my writing :))
DeleteI find these 5 sentence fiction exercises to be great challenges. Lillie McFerrin does a great job of organizing them every week. Thanks again for your generous comments!
That's a lot packed into five sentences -- good job! And I love that Jann Arden quote at the top. I haven't listened to her in ages. If I haven't digitized her music to iTunes yet, it's time to do it.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to stop by and to comment Laura! I too love Jann Arden, her songs get right to the point and the heart every single time. I was so lucky to have a good/great mother - knowing that others haven't been so fortunate always causes me pain.
DeleteExcellent. Made me remember all that I wanted to forget about high school. All the more remarkable for being condensed in just 5 sentences.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comments. I really appreciate you taking the time to stop by and read my story. I find these to be excellent writing challenges:))
DeleteGreat story and portrait of high school dynamics. Love your interpretation of 'scorching.' I can feel the anger!
ReplyDeleteErin, thank you for your kind comments :)) With the word 'scorching', I initially went in a different direction but I wanted to challenge myself to find a path I wouldn't normally follow. I really like these 5 sentence fiction writing exercises!
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