Gideon’s morning shower took longer than usually allowed but no one seemed to mind; he even scrubbed behind his ears – something he hadn’t done since childhood. He took time shaving too, paying particular attention to the dimple in his chin which sometimes got missed when he was taking his turn in the morning rush.
His grandma had sent him a new white linen shirt, surprisingly purchased in the correct size; it had been a wild guess on her part since Gideon hadn’t been able to visit her in over five years. He straightened his shoulders as he was buttoning the front, thinking of the smile that would appear on his grandma’s face when she saw him standing on her porch.
As he walked down the hall to leave, his friends shouted good luck wishes mixed liberally with curses, but Gideon didn't hear them; he heard only the sparrows chirping in the Arizona autumn breeze as the warden buzzed the exit door open and Gideon stepped out into the sunlight.
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Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist.
Each week the lovely and dear Lillie McFerrin posts a one word inspiration on her blog, then anyone wishing to
participate writes a five sentence story based on the prompt word.
The word does not have to appear in the five sentences, it is just used for
direction. Please visit her website and read the other great entries.
Well, we wish Gideon luck, he will need it! A beautiful story, striking for its simplicity and realism. I love your writing dear Muse :-*
ReplyDeleteThank dear Honoré for your generous words about my writing and for giving me the great honour of a-Muse-ing you ;) ***blushing***
DeleteLOVE it! But then again I ALWAYS love your work :)
ReplyDeleteBTW I LOVE Van Morrison. Great choice on song :)
DeleteThank you Angie, Ms. Creative Soul, for both of your dear comments. I really appreciate your encouragement!
DeleteAnother great story - my favourite from your recent batch of three. I just love the simplicity of it and yet you know there's a whole lots of story in between just those 5 sentences.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I'm always so pleased to see your name in the comments! Thank you for taking the time to read the three stories :)) It's difficult sometimes, isn't it, to decided which part of a scene to capture when we only have 5 sentences to employ. But, I think these challenges are making us all stronger writers! Thanks again!
DeleteWow. I feel like I've been freed from prison now. This is beautiful Jo-Anne! Wonderful descriptions and emotions. Just beautiful. :)
ReplyDeleteMcKenzie - what a great comment, I appreciate your kind words very much :))!
DeleteGreat surprise twist at the end of this one...and the build up was perfect.
ReplyDeleteA really good twist Jo-Anne, completely took me by surprise. Nice one.
ReplyDeleteYes, lovely sentences! I felt the heat of the sunshine as he walked outside and I heard the sparrows singing!
ReplyDeleteThis packed a powerful punch indeed. Easy, smooth flow throughout. Didn't expect the surprise ending. I can just see the smile on grandma's beaming face as he steps into the sunlight. Nice work.
ReplyDelete