Sitting across from the nurses’ station on Unit 9 was Annie’s regular resting spot; moved there by the morning shift so her hospital room could be cleaned properly, the attendants usually forgot about retrieving her until the food trays arrived on the ward at noon, four hours later.
“Come on Annie, let’s get you some lunch” was the daily refrain from whichever student nurse was assigned the laborious task of pushing her back down the hall to her room; Annie’s toes curled rigidly on the foot rests as if she was trying to engage parking brakes on the wheelchair, but her bony arms flailed out to each side, endangering frail patients and medical carts innocently lined up along the walls.
Annie’s rheumy eyes stared straight ahead on these brief journeys; no longer was she able to identify objects or people. Though her vision remained intact, she could not see.
For over the tumultuous course of the past three years, Annie had retreated to a confusing world of memories covered over by cumulus clouds and present days overcast by a constant fog.
Oh Jo-Anne, so sad...certainly tapping into one of my greatest fears. Your characters come alive and always draw me in, so much so that I want to know more and to get involved!
ReplyDeleteLisa, thank you for taking the time to really think about the character's story. Your empathy and compassion are always evident in your comments and of course in your writing. Thanks for commenting :))
DeleteI agree with Lisa, losing my memory is something that frightens me. It is a terrible thing to watch and I shiver at the thought of having to experience it!
ReplyDeleteLovely story. Love the image of her curling in her toes.
Hi Ang, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate your thoughts. I felt compelled to write this story as soon as I saw this week's inspiration word.
DeleteI love this, "Though her vision remained intact, she could not see." is the perfect line to describe it.
ReplyDeleteLike Lisa, I want to read more...
Thanks so much for reading my story, Bekah. I admit it, I like that line too :))
DeleteWow! This piece really reaches in, grabs your heart and bitch-slaps it around with my sadness of how absently she is treated. Very evocative and poignant indeed.
ReplyDeleteJeffrey, thank you for taking the time to comment. The way Annie is treated, absently as you put it so well, also causes me sadness. Yet, we've all seen it happen. You're the first person who has mentioned that aspect. Thank you for reading it so well.
DeleteI think this is frightening to many of us, especially those who have watched loved ones go through it. A very tender portrayal, poignant and moving.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Stacy for your thoughtful comments. ((hugs))
DeleteI really did feel so terrible sorry for her Jo-Anne. You did well to get this across without it being overly sentimental.
ReplyDeleteSo appreciate you reading and commenting Sandra. I think if we get overly sentimental in stories, it can take away from the power of the theme...not always of course, but I didn't want to speak about an older person in the same tones as one would a baby. I think it's disrespectful somehow.
Delete(gosh now my reply is longer than your comment!)
There are some professional writers that could take a few lessons from you. I've read books that took pages or chapters before drawing me in. You manage to do that with just a few sentences. Incredible. Simply incredible.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
Oh KD! You are so very kind and supportive. Thank you,my friend. ((big hugs))
DeleteSuddenly I was her, retreating too to a confusing world: beautifully written, and, yes, so engaging... My muse... x
ReplyDeleteThank you Honoré, you always see deeply into the character's thoughts. I appreciate your comment very much.
DeleteI have to agree with KD, you are a true talent! The way you get to the heart of things is beautiful. Lovely, as always.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lillie for starting 5 sentence fiction. The weekly challenges have helped me strengthen my writing - I will always be appreciative. The fact that you are also a dear, well, it's just icing on the cake! Thank you so much for your kind words.
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