Thursday, May 10, 2012

Five Sentence Fiction - Sombrero

The sudden storm blew dust from the dirty sand up onto Emelina’s face, but she simply swept her arm across her eyes and continued on, weaving long dried reeds into shape with her suntanned brown fingers.  It was 6 o’clock at night but she had no way of knowing that because clocks and time had never mattered to her.  The only thing that mattered was production of crafts for the tourists' eager spending; as long as there was enough light to see her hands moving in front of her, Emelina worked. 

Her fingers had remained nimble over the many years of creating baskets and hats - for this she was thankful.  But when the scorching sun finally set, and the moon took its place in the midnight blue sky, Emelina cried out in pain as she pulled herself upright onto wooden crutches and staggered home on wasted legs.  

25 comments:

  1. Awww poor girl. Very well written...as usual ;)

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    1. Thank you for reading & commenting dear Angie.

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  2. Oh Man ... the tourism economy is a complex beast - and wow did you capture it well. As always with your FSF, I want more. It's like a glimpse through a crack in the fence into a different world. And your worlds always intrigue me!

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    1. A glimpse through a crack in the fence...wonderful comment! Thanks so much Lori :))

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  3. beautiful and poignant in true JoAnne fashion. Lovely work!

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    1. Thank you for the generous comment Angela.:))

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  4. An alternative take on the 'little matchgirl' type of theme. You made this come to life, and conveyed the sadness of her situation perfectly. Really well done Jo-Anne.

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    1. Always appreciate your insightful comments, Sandra. I didn't think of the Little Matchgirl but of course you are spot on. I didn't think I would be able to think of a story related to the inspiration word this week, so I was surprised when the idea came to me, fully formed. Great challenges each week!

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  5. Seconded - very well done, Jo. "a glimpse through a crack in a fence to a different world" - excellent way to put it!

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    1. Thank you for reading and commenting, Chris! You know how much it means to me:))))

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  6. Jo-Anne this is so beautiful! In a sad way of course, but the way you captured the emotion was beautiful. Well done well done!

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    1. Thank you dear McKenzie! I appreciate that you've seen the different facets of the story - you and your writing are mature,well beyond your years. :)))

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  7. Oh so heart-rending Jo-Anne, I was so there...and when she stood up I felt her pain! Beautiful.

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    1. Thank you dear Lisa. Some people live such difficult lives. On the one hand, Emelina has found a way to support herself, perhaps in a community where she does not have much opportunity, yet she also lives a life of pain (for more than one reason).

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  8. Your prose was as beautifully woven together as I imagined Emelina's weaving to be. You created real and powerful emphathy and I literally gasped at the heart-wrenching ending. Exquisite.

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    1. I'm quite overwhelmed by your generous comment, Jayne. Empathy is what I strive for in all my storytelling - I hope we all do. I had the scene in my mind almost immediately but it's difficult to tell sometimes if that 'flash photo' has been translated into words. Really appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment.

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  9. Hi there. I'm visiting from Five Sentence Fiction.
    Wonderful writing. You take the reader through a range of emotions... one can almost feel Emelina's sense of resignation and determination to get the job done; and finally her frustration and pain which is caused by more than just her physical condition...

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, particularly such a detailed comment. I'm pleased if the story moved you along through the emotions that you describe. I'm not terribly good at writing action/suspense, but I hope that the emotions and life journeys speak loudly.

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  10. Having taken several trips into Mexico, this one hit a home run. Very, very well done!!

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    1. Thank you Donna. I'm glad that the scene rings true for you. Appreciate you commenting:))

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  11. I would trust you to write my eulogy. You could honestly make my life sound interesting. Loved it!

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    1. Eulogy?! moving on... thank you for reading and commenting my friend. ((hugs))

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  12. Oh, how very sad. The exploitation from the tourist but also the survival from the tourist. I liked it very much. x

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, Elizabeth :)) The dichotomy of the tourist trade was exactly what I wanted to highlight. I'm glad if that's what you picked up on. These 5 sentence fiction challenges are great, aren't they?!

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  13. Simply beautiful. The story. Your writing. The use of the theme. All of it.
    Fantastic work.

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