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| Girl with umbrella - painting by Esao Andrews |
“I’m so glad you found the old Christmas decorations. I knew she’d like the glitter” said Grandma Ethel as she switched off the hall light. Grandpa Ralph sighed: “At least we were able to buy her something.”
Ethel took her husband’s hand gently in hers, “It’s not your fault, Ralph. Sylvia doesn’t know. She’s happy with the things we found.”
Down the hall in her room, Sylvia sat on the bed, surrounded by her birthday treasures. Taking each gift in her hands separately, she cooed, gazing at the shiny, the delicate and the brightly coloured. Then using remnants of an old bedsheet, she wrapped each dented trinket and scratched piece of glass, tucking them into a cardboard box labeled “Nine Years Old”.
The voice came to her, as it always did, over her left shoulder. “Your gifts are beautiful, just like you Sylvia”.
“Grandma and Grandpa gave me this umbrella! It’s new - from a store and everything! Can you see it?” Sylvia opened the pale blue umbrella and swirled it above her head.
“Yes I can. I’ve told you before - I can see everything you do.”
“I kinda forgot.” Sylvia said. “Will Grandma and Grandpa be okay without me”
“You'll see them again, I promise”.
Still clutching the umbrella, Sylvia tilted her head, looking towards the voice, “You promise?”
“Yes my dear. Now, do you remember what to do?”
Sylvia nodded. She moved the box to the foot of the bed, then wriggled under her patchwork quilt and laid her head on the pillow.
“Close your eyes, little one. Think pleasant thoughts.”
“What’s pleasant mean?” asked Sylvia, keeping one eye open.
“Pleasant means nice. Something happy. Something that you’ll miss.”
“Oh, that’s easy then.” Sylvia said matter-of-factly.
“I’ll pleasant Grandma and Grandpa, birthdays and pretty things.”
I want to know more - that's always the acid test from a slice like this. I can SEE the grandparents. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteOkay, you've done the 300 word challenge. Now give us the whole thing. ;-) I like it - I love it - I want more of it.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, what is going to happen to poor Sylvia!?! My heart is not only breaking for her, but her grandparents! The box also intrigues me, what nine year old keeps their toys in boxes labeled by age? Hm... love love love this. And I agree with those before me, I totally want more.
ReplyDeleteSo much told in so few words, yet so much more to come! Grandma and Grandpa will be heartbroken... Everyone will want more of this Jo-Anne.
ReplyDeleteI'll cast my vote with the rest, I'm eager to see more of this, what a beautiful 3-dimensional slice of a greater story. so well done. I love it.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with the comments above. Jo, that's a marvellous introduction to a potentially riveting story; that last line espeicially is amazing characterisation (imo) - well done you!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful piece, just like you pretty lady! I always love reading your work :) and I agree...I want more of the story too!
ReplyDeleteMore, more, MORE!!! You have to expand this one....loved it!!
ReplyDeleteSo lovely and yet I feel such apprehension too. Oh, tell me little Sylvia is going to be okay?!
ReplyDeleteI feel quite emotional reading this - my sense is that Sylvia is not long for this world. It touches deep vein of compassion and fear. One of my favourite faerypins,I think.
ReplyDeleteSimply intriguing. Like the rest, I do want to know what happens next to Sylvia. And Grandma Ethel and Grandpa Ralph! And what is that voice? Show us more, please :)
ReplyDeleteUsually I reply to each comment but work was busy today and now I've arrived to find 11 comments! What a wonderful problem to have - too many supportive comments!
ReplyDeleteSo for: Cameron, KD, Ang, Lisa, Stacy, Chris, Angie, Donna, Ruth, Meg and Anna:
I found this challenge quite difficult. It certainly wasn't the painting/Pinterest pin because look at it!It was the first picture in the consideration board that truly grabbed me. I felt I could tell my kind of story but with a fairytale edge (yes, I totally made that up).The difficulty that I had was that all my stories relating to the picture were too much, too many words. In the end, I wrote a story that made sense to me and when I looked at the word count it was over 1000. So I took out a virtual chisel and went at 'er. I wasn't sure the final product was worth being entered and I almost took it down from my blog this morning.
Then, I read the first two comments...no one was horrified at the ineptitude! That is why I've left it up on online.
Thank you so much for your support - for taking the time to not only read the story but also taking the time to comment. what a great writing community we have!
You, "...almost took it down...", seriously? Oh girl, we need to talk.
DeleteJo-Anne, I know you fought the word limit, but the enigmatic allure that the hard edit brought to your work made it stronger than the 1000 word one, I would bet. Sometimes 300 words is all it takes. <3
ReplyDeleteAnna, you're an inspiration - creativity, kindness and gumption, all in one!
DeleteI loved, loved and loved this piece! I can picture the entire scene, the emotions and I'm anxious for what's to come! Very, very well done.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work!
Thanks Chessny for taking the time to comment. Really appreciated! I found this one tough but I'm glad I tried it :))
DeleteI think this is a truly beautiful piece, and, like the others, I really want to read more. I can see this as continuing on into something much longer.
ReplyDelete