Saturday, January 28, 2012

Five Sentence Fiction - Clandestine

Last parking stall on the third level-the oddly shaped space that’s too tricky for most drivers.

High heeled footsteps echoing, tapping on cement, matching the splashes in his chest.

Quick glances at side mirrors, towards the parkade ramp, no one’s watching.

Passenger door opens, she’s here, shallow breaths, aching to feel.

Slides over, arms grab, lips open, “touch me”.
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9 comments:

  1. Lillie McFerrinJanuary 28, 2012 at 5:53 p.m.

    Ah! I love this. The pacing is perfect. That last sentence is great :)

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  2. natashaJanuary 28, 2012 at 6:01 p.m.

    Nice!!!! 'Slides over, arms grab, lips open, “touch me”.' Love that last line

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  3. Angie RichmondJanuary 28, 2012 at 9:27 p.m.

    Ohh dirty! Loves it! :)

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  4. Chris JamesJanuary 29, 2012 at 12:37 p.m.

    Nice, Jo. Naughty, but nice :-)

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  5. Kern WindwraithJanuary 29, 2012 at 10:22 p.m.

    This is great, Jo. Those breathless sentences and short-short paragraphs are a perfect reflection of the action, internal and external.

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  6. SJIHollidayJanuary 30, 2012 at 3:23 p.m.

    As Angie says: dirrrrtty! Excellent :)

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  7. Donna McNicolJanuary 31, 2012 at 3:38 p.m.

    Sensual, sexy and hot! Loved it....

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  8. Steven Paul WatsonFebruary 1, 2012 at 6:50 p.m.

    Very, very nice. And love the last line. :D

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  9. Jo-Anne Teal (jtvancouver)February 1, 2012 at 10:39 p.m.

    thank you to everyone for the encouraging, generous comments - very much appreciated! I was trying something different (I suppose that is apparent).

    ReplyDelete

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